The Great Hero Hamburger!
by Xynostaph
Summary: Hamburger goes on an adventure of heroic proportions to save Scones from a fate worse than bath day! Nekotalia, request fic for Sarah


**Author's note:** This is for my darling little Sarah, who I keep standing up for lunch! ( Even if half the time its because of stupid things that are out of my control ) I hope she (and all of you ) enjoy this! Because I certainly did (sort of)

**Disclaimer: **None of the stuff belong to me! Sarah is not mine, though we are married. (again, sort of. I said 'we are now married' and she just went 'ok! :D' We are weird people. But goodness if she isn't adorable to the nth degree!)

* * *

><p>It was a good day. A very good day. Awesome, if he dared say. His master had given him a hamburger for breakfast, and he was now perfectly comfortable ontop of a stone ledge bathed in sunlight, warming his fur in a way that was just divine.<p>

'_It would be better if someone would scratch my belly..._' He thought to himself, shifting himself so that he was belly up. If only every day would be like this!

"Oi! Hamburger!"

The voice caused his ears to twitch, eyes meeting the sight of his blond master upside down. Was his master flying? Oh wait, he was still lying on his back. Purring in amusement, he straightened himself, shaking and stretching until he stood heroicly ontop of the stone.

Hamburger wasn't fat. Not at all. He was just unusually fluffy, and was also thick boned. And his diet of cat food and hamburgers had nothing to do with his size, even if a certain Scottish fold said so.

"Heya buddy, relaxing like a boss?" His owner said, coming over and running his fingers through the pale fur between his ears. Oh yes, that was good. Great! "Hahah, you're in a good mood."

"_Definitely! This day has been totally awesome, how could I not be?_" Hamburger replied, though he knew his master only heard a couple of meows mixed in with purrs. The one drawback of being an amazing creature such as himself was that his master didn't understand what he was saying at all. Not that he was good at understanding what other humans were saying either.

"Well, I'm locking up the house and going out for a bit, so stay out of trouble, ok?" His master asked, removing his hand from the purring cat's head, much to Hamburger's chagrin.

"_Fine. Bring me back a Hamburger or three!_" The cat called, meowing at his master's retreating form. Well, his master was gone.

So he was here.

All alone.

By himself.

With nobody else...

**~oO0Oo~**

"_SCONES! HEY BUDDY!_" Hamburger yowled, jumping into the nearby yard of one of his master's friends. The british man who lived here was the master of a certain moody Scottish Fold, who happened to be one of the cats that Hamburger loved to hang out with. He was totally stiff most of the time, but Hamburger could loop him into almost any crazy idea he came up with.

The garden was unusually quiet for mid morning, Hamburger realized, knowing that this was the time that Scones usually came out to relax or to nap. '_He must be inside!_' Hamburger thought, making his way from the backyard to the front. He paused as he noticed a large white van in the driveway, which had it's back doors open. Curious, Hamburger made his way towards the van, cautiously awaiting any signs of wrong-doing. As a Hero, it was his job after all.

The sound of crunching footsteps alerted him to people, and he quickly slid under a nearby bush, wondering who the people were. They didn't smell like anyone he knew, so they must be strangers! Two men appeared from around the corner, carrying a large plastic container with some sort of metal wiring in the front. A cage? What for? Oh no, could they be...

"_Catnappers?_" Hamburger hissed, fur bristling at the thought. Evil people! And sure enough, a small amount of cream and orange-brown fur was visable, showing they had someone captive. It was Scones! The scoundrels!

Hamburger inched closer, intent on fighting to save his friend from these obviously nefarious villains. They were probably sent here on a super secret mission or something! What did they want Scones for? To blackmail his owner? To send Hamburger a challenge?

What if they were really aliens? Or worse... What if they worked for the DOGS? That thought sent a shiver down Hamburger's back, tail twitching anxiously. They would do something like this wouldnt they? Enslave humans and force them to cat-nap cats to force info out of them. Or for hostage situations. Curses! Why must a hero's life be so difficult? He should have been more aware to all the danger Scones was exposed to due to being so close to the hero.

A brunette woman stood nearby, back to the van, as she filled out something on the clipboard. He recognized her from the time he came over with his master. She lived here with Scone's master, if he remembered correctly.

That clip-board must have hypnotized her! Those men were getting away with catnapping! Without hesitating anymore, Hamburger rushed forward, sliding to a stop underneath the van on the opposite side of the men and woman. He would rescue Scones! It was his duty as a hero!

Soon enough, the shoes he could spy from under the van turned and made their way towards the woman. He crawled out from under the van, and turned to hop into the open back. He jumped up, front paws scrabbling for something to hold on to. With a thud, he found himself back on the ground, glaring up at the looming opening. If Scones was here, he would call him fat. '_I'm not fat...err, big. I'm just... weighed down by too much fur! And I didn't get a good enough start!_' Hamburger declared in his head, backing up and crouching down to try again. He took a few quick steps before jumping once more, this time being able to get into the van (although he did have a bit of trouble actually pulling himself in.)

Hamburger found himself surrounded by boxes and cages, all varying by size and color. He tried to remember the color of the cage that Scones was in, but he didn't really take a good look at it. That, and the whole Dog idea had taken up most of his thoughts.

"_Scones! Hey- Hey Scones! Dude! You here me?_" He asked, sneaking around cautiously to peer into some of the cages on the bottom rows. The cages were empty, but made him fear that Scones wasn't their only target.

**~oO0Oo~**

"Thank you so much for coming to pick him up! Sarah wouldn't have been able to find it if she went!" the brunette said, handing over the filled out clipboard to one of the men. They smiled, and nodded their heads.

"No problem ma'am. The city can be pretty confusing for a visitor."

"We'll bring him back 'round four."

"That is perfect! Sarah will let Arthur know as soon as he is available. Thank you again!" Sarah said, bowing to the men as they went to close up the van. Ok, so now that Scones was away, she could clean the house! Arthur would like that alot! "Alright, time for Sarah to get to work!"

**~oO0Oo~**

The doors slammed shut behind Hamburger as he searched the next row of cages, and he barely contained his surprised yowl. He felt the van shift, and the engine roar to life. Oh rats! Now he was trapped! What if this was all part of their plan? Was he captured? Hamburger didn't think so, and decided that this way he could find out where their evil lair was. Save Scones AND beat a whole evil organization? His heroic blood was pumping now!

He decided to wait in one of the open containers, curling in on himself as he tried to remain as silent as possible. With their evil dog leaders, who knew if they had super hearing?

'_I can do this... Hang on, Scones!_' He thought, glaring at the darkness as he felt the van pull out of the driveway and drive.

**~oO0Oo~**

Hamburger felt his head bob, and snapped awake, suddenly aware that somehow he had fallen asleep during the drive. Well, a Hero _DID_ need his energy, so it was totally fine. He shook himself and stood, stretching a bit to regain some of his limber-ness. He would need it if he was going to beat up an entire evil dog empire. The van's engine stopped, and he heard the doors open and shut, rocking the van as they did.

_'Ok, showtime! Just gotta go all ninja-cat on them and find their leader!_' The doors to the back of the van opened, and a the sunlight momentarily blinded Hamburger, who shrinked back further into the open container. Darn, forgot it was still morning! Or was it afternoon already? He decided it didn't matter as a pair of boots stopped in front of him. Oh geez. They found him! He was going to be captured, and poor Scones would be useless to them, so they would probably kill him! Or eat him! (Though if he tasted like the food he was named after, at least he would make them sick to their stomaches.)

"Alright, end of the ride, kitty. Let's go." A voice said, and he heard the scrape of one of the containers above him. Damn, they had Scones once again! He was put off by the fact that Scones was right above him the whole time, but soon threw that thought aside as he carefully followed, wary of beeing seen. The men were simple minded, not noticing him sneaking out and back under the van. Those dogs probably screwed up their minds with that stupid brainwashing. Squeaking alerted the heroic feline that they closed up the van, and prepared to move out. As the feet grew smaller as they left, Hamburger slinked from under the van and followed at a distance, being mindful to listen for other people. The dogs might have other sentry's out and about, to look for him. Fat chance! There was no way the great Hero Hamburger would ever get caught by some lowly guard!

His tail thumped anxiously as he gazed up at the formidable sillouette of the building in front of him, all glass windows and gray walls that made it scream 'evil lair'. Hamburger had to hand it to the dogs, they could really pick a good evil fortress.

The two men that had captured Scones were by the large doors already, and Hamburger gaped with astonishment as the doors seemed to open for them as they passed through. No way! He trotted up to the door and pawed at it, but the door did not open. He couldn't see through it either, so he could not see where Scones was. Dang it, this must be some kind of protection to stop anyone who isn't part of their evil no-goodness group from entering the lair. But how? Hamburger couldn't see any cameras, or anything to input a code into. Hamburger sat off to the side, hidden beneath some bushes as he contimplated how. Wait. If dogs could brainwash humans, whats to say they didn't implant a chip or something that would make the doors open? They were truly evil masterminds worthy of being beaten by the great Hero Hamburger!

But now that Hamburger knew how, he wasn't sure how to sneak in. He wasn't chipped, obviously, but he needed to get in. Every moment wasted was another moment Scones could be tortured or killed or put through things so horrible that he couldn't come up with.

"Honey, come on, just let me carry it!"

A womans voice caught Hamburger's attention, and he turned to see two humans carrying a box towards the entrance. What was it? Hamburger thought he heard clinking coming from the box. It was probably a new shipment of torture weapons!

"No, no, it's fine, I've got it." The male responded, and Hamburger decided that they were his ticket in. He crouched, waiting for the humans to approach. Just as he thought, the moment they approached the doors, they slid open with a woosh, and allowed them to pass. The people were too focused on the box that they didn't notice the large blob of fur that scooted around and in front of them, hiding itself behind a potted plant.

Hamburger cheered to himself silently, congratulating himself for successfully sneaking into the evil lair. He was a genius! Part one had been a success! Now for part two; he had to find and rescue Scones. And after that? Why, part three; Get the heck out of here!

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's End notes: <span>**Yeah. Hamburger is gonna go hero on this evil lair! Hang in there, Scones! Your tubby ball of heroic optimism is on it's way!

...

Ok, please don't think this is gonna be a long multi chap fic. It's gonna be two. Maybe three. I intend to load the next one up in a couple hours, maybe even tonight. I owe sarah quite a few fics, one of them actually being a Power ranger parody with the characters of APH. So... yeah... Look forward to that train wreck...

No reviews necessary, I don't really want to know people read these things...


End file.
